Wario: Borrowing Problems
by Phantom Cockroach
Summary: Wario tries to get back some of his stuff that he let Mario borrow. Simple...right...? Well, not for Wario.


One day, it was really hot. Wario was sitting in his house, trying to read a book and staring out the window. His grass was really high. A voice comes in his head.

"Didn't _Mario_ borrow your _lawnmower_? And has he given it back to you?"

"NO!" Wario shouted.

"Shouldn't _you_ go and _get_ it? It _is_ _yours_ , after all."

"YES!" Wario stomps out the door and heads to Mario's house.

Meanwhile, Mario is sitting in his house watching TV when he hears a voice in his head.

"Didn't you borrow Wario's lawnmower, and you haven't given it back? He's gonna come over here for it."

"What're _you_ gonna do about it?" Mario asked, switching the TV channel. "He's just gonna—after all…I only borrowed it for a little…I didn't MEAN to not give it back! Arrrrgh!"

Mario got pretty angry.

Then, Wario comes over and knocks on the door. Mario opens it up.

"You want your lawnmower back?! You can HAVE it back!" he shouted. He _mows over_ Wario.

 _Vmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!_

"There!" Mario stomped back into his house.

"My garlic!" Wario cried, on the verge of tears. "Oh…dang it! GRRRRRR…"

Wario walks back into his house and sits down in his chair. His garlic is in little pieces.

"Dang…I'll have to have garlic minis…but…I paid fifty bucks a clove…" His voice turned into a whine. " _They don't make that any more…_ "

He sits down and tries to read a book, but then a voice comes in his head.

"Didn't _Mario_ borrow your _clippers_? And has he gave them back to you?"

"NO!" Wario shouted.

"Shouldn't _you_ go and _get_ it? They are _yours_ , after all."

"YES!"

Then Mario hears the same voice. "Have you been borrowing Wario's clippers, and Wario wants them back?"

"Yes…but I only borrowed them for…a couple of months. Gaaaaah! Curse that Wario! Who cares; I'll give him back his clippers!"

 **Knock-knock-knock-knock**

Mario opens the door.

"You want your clippers back? Here, you can have them!" Mario yelled.

 _Clip!_ He clips Wario's hat off.

"Dooooooooohhhh! My garlic…" Wario picked up his hat. "I'll be right back."

Wario goes back to his house and flops down on his chair.

"Didn't _Mario_ borrow your _beach chair_?"

"YES!"

"Shouldn't you get it _back_ from him?"

"Yeah!"

"After all, it _is yours_ …"

"YEAH, I'll go over there right now and get it back!" Wario stopped. "Aw come on, I was just over there! Why couldn't you have said something earlier!?"

Then Mario hears a voice in his head.

"Have you been borrowing Wario's _beach chair_?"

"Yeah…only for a couple of… _months_ …" He cracked a grin at that thought.

"If he comes back for it, what're you gonna do about that?"

The grin disappeared, and Mario got flustered. "Well—uh—I don't WANT his dumb beach chair anyway! It smells like _garlic_!"

Meanwhile, Wario walks up to the door. He hesitates. "Uh…hm…I think I'll just go get it. After all, it's _my_ beach chair."

He goes over to the beach chair on Mario's patio, but Mario comes out the door. He looks really angry.

"So! You came to steal your beach chair back, without even ASKING me first! _Ughhhhh_! Here, you can have your beach chair!"

He takes the beach chair and snaps it over Wario's head.

"Doh! My garlic!" Wario whimpers, his voice even higher than last time. "He crushed it…"

The garlic juice runs in Wario's eyes.

"Oh! It burrrns, it BURNS! I can't see; CAN'T SEE!"

He walks back to his house with the beach chair still around him. The beach chair gets stuck in his chair.

"Grrrr, _dumb_ beach chair, _dumb_ Mario…"

 _Then,_ a _voice_ comes in his—

"Oh, WHAT now!?" Wario shouted. "I just came over from there!"

"Didn't _Mario_ borrow your _sledgehammer_?"

" _YES!"_

"And has he given it back to you yet?"

" _NO!"_

"Why don't you go get it? 'Cause it _is yours_ , after all."

"YEEAAHHH! I'm gonna go get it, RIGHT NOW! Uh, after I get this beach chair off—"

Wario struggles with the beach chair. It doesn't budge.

"Oh fine, I'll leave it on!"

The beach chair gets stuck on his other beach chair. Wario drags the two beach chairs down the road to Mario's house. They scrape on the sidewalk.

Then Mario hears a—

"Didn't _you_ borrow Wario's _sledgehammer_?"

"YES."

"And have you given it _back_ yet?"

Mario got even angrier. "NO! 'Cause I only borrowed it for…a couple months…"

"Well Wario's coming over right now to get it. What're you gonna do?" The voice sounded so satisfied and amused that it seemed as if it already knew the answer to the question.

"Ah—OHH! You—gr—CURSE that Wario; I don't want his sledgehammer anyway! He gave it to me broken!"

Wario walks over and waits at the front door. Then he reconsiders.

"I think I'll go around to the _back_ door." He looks at the camera and nods. His expression makes him look far more intelligent than he actually was.

He goes around to the back door and turns the handle. He opens the door. Mario's standing in the doorway.

"SO! You tried to sneak in and steal your hammer, didja?! Well I don't want it anyway!"

 _ **BONK!**_

"Dohhhh…" The sledgehammer is stuck to the top of Wario's head.

"Maybe THAT'LL fix your beach chair!" Mario shouts, slamming the door.

Wario goes back to his house with the hammer still on his head and the beach chairs still dragging on the ground.

 _SCREEEEK! SCREEEEEEK! SCREEEEEEEK!_

He finally makes it back to the house. He sits down and lifts his hat off.

"My garlic is crushed now! I hate that Mario, and that dumb Luigi too!"

Then, he hears a voice.

"Oh, not AGAIN; what do you want? I'm still trying to get this beach chair off from the last one!"

"Didn't _Mario_ borrow your _TV_?"

"Yes…" Wario fiddled with the beach chairs. "He DID, didn't he? So…what do you want me to DO about it?"

"Are you gonna go and GET it?"

"YEAH! I'll go RIGHT now!" Wario shouted, walking out the door.

Then Mario hears a voice.

"Didn't you borrow Wario's TV? You're watching it right now, aren't you."

"YES!" Mario shouted. Then he got embarrassed about the outburst. "Well, yeah, but, I only borrowed it for a _year_ …"

"Well, Wario's coming over here right now to get it."

"AGH, THAT WARIO _AGAIN?!_ OH, I'LL _FIX_ HIM!"

Wario is standing at the door. "Oh no. Please don't let anything else happen…"

He knocks on the door. Mario was already there.

"SO! You want your TV back, DO ya!? So here, you can HAVE it!"

Mario takes the TV (an old tube TV) and smashes it over Wario's head—and the beach chairs.

"Do-oh! That's on top of the _beach chairs_ now!" Wario complained.

Mario was about to go back into the house, but then he turned around. "Oh, and here's the remote!"

Mario touches one of the buttons, which makes the TV start short-circuiting. All the beach chairs get electrocuted too.

"Awwwhhh…"

Mario throws the remote at Wario. It lands right between his eyes. Wario drags himself back to his house.

"Please don't have any more of my stuff…" he whispered.

"Hey _Wario_ —"

"Gohhh, WHAT AGAIN?! I HAVE A BEACH CHAIR ON ME, ANOTHER BEACH CHAIR ON ME, I HAD A SLEDGE HAMMER ON ME, I HAVE A TV ON ME AND A REMOTE, AND MY GARLIC'S RUINED! WHAT DO YOU **WANT**?! Oh, and I spent $200 for that TV."

"Yeah, but didn't Mario borrow _one more thing_ from you?"

"What?" Wario croaks. "What is it?"

"Didn't he borrow your… _barbeque kit?_ "

"Yes."

"And didn't you want to have _barbeque_ tonight?"

"YES! I DO!"

"Then why don't you go GET it?"

"YEAHHH! I'll go GET it!"

Wario struggles down the road with all the stuff on him.

Mario is sitting in his house without the TV. He looks _really_ angry about not having anything to do. Then he hears something.

"Hey, Mario. Didn't you—"

Mario keeps staring where the TV was. "What do you want _now_?"

"Didn't you borrow a _barbeque kit_ from _Wario_?"

" _Yes_. SO? What does he want with _that_ again? It's only charcoal, anyway."

"Well he wants some _barbeque_ tonight. And don't _YOU_ , too?"

"Yeah. Well—well—he can have it back! I don't need it anyway; I don't WANT his stupid barbeque set!"

"Well he's _coming over here_ to _get it_ …"

Wario struggles up to Mario's door and knocks. Mario flings the door open.

" _You want your lighter kit back?! Fine, you can HAVE it!"_

He lights a match and throws it at Wario. His clothes catch on fire.

"AHH! FIRE, FIRE!" Wario shouts.

Mario tosses the rest of the barbeque kit at Wario. The rest of the matches catch on fire.

"NOOOO!"

Wario somehow manages to run home. "FIRE! FIRE!"

He dashes over to his pool and then he jumps—

" **OOF!"**

—and then he hits the ground! The voice comes back in his head.

"Didn't _Mario_ borrow your _pool water_?"

Wario's voice gets squeaky again. "Doh! Curse him, he did! Help, help! Fire, can't get out!"

He struggles to get out of the pool, but the pool catches on fire.

"Oh darn, I spent $1500 on that…"

Then Mario comes back for some reason. "Oh, you can have your water tank back, too."

Mario kicks the water tank. Water sprays everywhere and puts the fire out. Wario picks himself up. Everything on him is charcoaled, even his garlic and his precious hat.

"Dang…I _die_ without that hat…" Despite this, he didn't sound too concerned.

"Oh, and here's your pool water!" Mario shouted, picking up the bubble of water. He throws it in Wario's pool.

"Oof!" Wario spits the water out. "Awww…he used a little too much chlorine…"

"Oh, and I forgot, here's your leaf blower. It kinda got a little bit clogged." Mario picks up the leaf blower and turns it on. Mud shoots out.

 _Kssshhhht ksht!_

Then leaves.

 _Kssshhhht ksht!_

Then marshmallows.

 _Kssshhhht ksht!_

Wario is standing there with all of it stuck on him. "Ohhh…"

"Oh and Wario, when you need a plumber for your sink, DON'T call me!"

Mario turns around and walks back over to his house. He slams the door. Wario stands there, still angry.

"Oh, I… _curse_ them!"

Wario goes back into his house.

"Didn't _you_ borrow that old lady's riding lawnmower? Shouldn't you go give it _back_?"

Wario was so frustrated he couldn't say anything. In the shadowed corner, Luigi is watching him.

"Heh heh heh…"

 **THE END**

Then, Wario hears a voice.

"Oh, LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't care if he borrowed my—mymymymymymy m-my CAR!"

 _BEEEP BEEEEEP—CRASH!_

"HERE, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR CAR BACK!" Mario shouted from Wario's wrecked front porch.

"Ohhhh…" Wario whined.


End file.
